There is a picture of Rufus with the computer that he stole from the library yesterday in my shed. I connected the internet for him but as you can tell by the photo he is a little clueless on how the computer works. I still haven't had the heart to tell him that he has to turn the power on but maybe he will figure it out.
The other night I bought a couple of colt 45 beers for Rufus and he opened up to me and told me his life story.
Rufus was born sometime between 1980 and 1984 but the only recollection of prove is when his adoptive parents found him at a greyhound bus station outside of Milwaukee in 1984. His parents were immigrants from Scotland. Willie and Susan. Both famous in the entertainment industry and not being able to have kids they adopted Rufus. Willie was busy as a janitor and actor on the television show the Simpsons most know him as "Ground Keeper Willie". And his mother was on American Idol I think as Susan Boyle. They loved Rufus and travelled around the USA with him.
Finally in 1994 they settled down in Detroit as there are lots of black people there and they felt Rufus could benefit from that and become as succesful as they were. But things got hard as Rufus quit raping and thugging and started out hanging out with a rough crowd in the Chess Club.
These kids were known around the Detroit metro as being the baddest mother fuckers around and Rufus's parents got really upset with Rufus. They suspected he was in gang activity such as racketeering and trafficking as his grades got good they suspected him of bribing the teachers. There was one boy in the gang who Susan Boyle felt fucked Rufus up the most. Xian Nguyen who was A chinese vietnamese kid who was from Japan. Since he was Asian and Susan and Willie were racist and taught Rufus their racist ways. They felt betrayed.
Xian is pictured above. But Rufus parents as racist as they were did not know that Xian was best friends with Adolph Hitler. Once Rufus met Hitler is when the biggest problems of all started. It was the summer of 1996 and Abraham Lincoln came back to become president after Bill Clinton was fired for having sex with Mariah Carey. Rufus moved his way up the ranks after Xian was killed in a staged chemistry lab accident (which everyone knows is a cover up as the crips had a hit out on him for his role in the watergate scandal).
Rufus and Hitler had to get Lincoln out of the whitehouse but how? They couldn't call their buddy John Wilkes Booth as he was in the witness protection program for busting a cap in George Washington back in the 80's. Lincoln knew Rufus was after him. Rufus tried to stay as calm as he could but Hitler was panicking and some even think that Hitler was going to off Rufus. After a failed attempt by Tony Soprano to kill Rufus. Rufus's uncle principal Seymour Skinner introduced him to Harriet Tubman to get Rufus into Canada where he could be safe.
Rufus hooked up with Jemima and Ben to of his homies from south side compton which at the time was in turmoil as the KKK opened up their new office there. And they fled on the underground railway to canada and arrived in the early 2000's. Rufus seperated immediatly after he entered Canada into Canadas capital in Winnipeg. He stayed away from the street life there and hid low tell I met him stealing.
Rufus has made a miracouls journey. He will fill me in on more to tell. We can all learn from a straight shooter named Rufus who shows us all hard work can get us all lots of shit.